Mean Mommy

September 8, 2017

I have 2 sons who each had cell phones this morning. 

Without saying who did what, I can tell you they both think their world has ended today. One son cracked his phone and the other lost the privilege. 

My first-born child was born 3 months premature. That beautiful child just yelled in my face: This was one of the worst days of his life. It's not right that I was a little bit happy on the worst day of his life. This doesn't feel good to see him unhappy or to take away his fun. If this is winning, I'd rather not. 

For me,  the worst day of his life was the day that he was surgically removed from me. I cried silently in pure terror,  not knowing what would happen next. You can't keep them little, though I tried. Even without me, they continue to grow. At first in my body and then each day that they breathe. I can no longer control every breath that they take. So today I earned my nickname (thank you Stephanie), I am "mean mommy" and I didn't even try. 

This isn't how we planned them, not in the least. I've been met with many challenges and I haven't quit life just yet. I've learned I'm not in the driver's seat, but I can still navigate.

No one can tell you how difficult parenting can be. I want them to be independent, but secretly I never want them to leave. I don't think any parent has planned the perfect day for their child to "just leave."

So, if I can delay this by just snatching their phones, then we're done here....

I'm going to play with my kids...

Tomorrow I hope.